Wednesday, 10 September 2014

If I ever stop smiling

Lately I have been so stressed out with work. 

Files keep on haunting me one after another. Deadlines are chasing after me without any sympathy. The drilling sound coming from next door also just makes a dracula out of me.

At times like this I just need some support from people around to remind me of the real reason to live. I have come to realise that since the day I started working, I have become more and more serious. I tend to forget how I used to be anymore. :(

I used to be the optimistic one in my circle of friends. Now, I can't even find the right things to say to make myself appear less boring. I never had any problem finding an interesting topic to talk to people. Yet now, silence passes through me like it's the normal thing to have.

I am scared of what I am becoming. I really am. Being a boring and stern person is the last thing I ever want to be.


Anyway, if one day I ever need a reason to smile, maybe you should remind me that:

The river never stops flowing,
The earth never stops spinning, 
The sun never stops shining,
And the Almighty never stops loving..

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Are we choosy creatures?

How far are we willing to change for another person?

Some people say people should accept how a person is, no matter what his or her flaws are. Accepting is easier than trying to change someone (really?). Well, as long as those flaws do not kill us, I suppose it is worth tolerating. 

However, I sometimes wonder how people actually see something as a flaw and to what extend do people have to tolerate that so-called flaw? If something is against the natural behaviour of mankind it is understandable, but if it is only against one's personal belief and opinion, is it even considered as a flaw? 

Or is it what we call as... being judgemental (or choosy)?

It is easier to accept our family because we can't choose them. No matter how far we may run, we are still related to our family through blood and nothing can change that fact. However, since we are able to choose the kind of people who we want to spend our lives with (daily or for eternity), we tend to become picky. 

Being picky is healthy at times because we are the ones that design our own lives. Without the right people in our lives, we might get a bad ending. Of which, we do not want to have.  

On the other hand, if we are too picky and too judgemental on others, that somehow, may become the end for us. Not only people will leave us for our picky behaviour, but also because they themselves do not want to be judged.

Of course, unless the people around us are willing to change for us. Then that's another story.

Confused with this post? I think I am.

Friday, 1 August 2014

Of taking up a challenge and adapting to a surrounding

I realise one thing.

Once I get pretty comfortable with a place or some people, it is difficult for me to accept changes. Though I love to think that I can adapt to new surroundings quite easily, my body somehow doesn't agree with it.

I remember when I started my secondary school, which is a boarding school in KL, my family and I were living in Kelantan at that time and it was actually my 1st time to be apart from my parents. When I went to KL, I really wanted to show my parents on how well I could cope in a new place. I remember how talkative and cheerful I was during the orientation week. It was the 1st week of schooling, and I tried to blend in with my batchmates and seniors at that time. Most of my batchmates were living around Selangor and KL and I was among the 'unlucky' ones who weren't from Lembah Klang.

Although people saw me talking happily and laughing so much during the orientation week, my inner side was actually on a strike. I felt light headed almost all the time and my stomach could not accept just any food. Truth be told, I felt terrible at that time. No one knew how much I wanted my aircon and my comfortable bed in Kota Bharu. My heart twinged each time I thought of my parents, on how I couldn't shake their hands before going to bed or kissing them good night. It was a torture to wake up at 5.30 am and washed my clothes by myself. I don't even want to be reminded of how #$@*^# cold the shower was. For the whole 1 week, I threw up most of my food and I couldn't participate actively in class as I was busy holding up my eye lids. No offense to the dining hall food, but it was just how my body reacted to the new surrounding.

Only in the third week or so, that I could adjust my mind and body according to the surrounding and schedule. My brave front at that time totally paid off and I successfully made a lot of good friends that I had no problem to be far away from my family. Slowly, I wasn't only accepting the place, but I was actually enjoying myself in the place I called home for 5 years.

Similar thing happened when I went to Kobe, Japan. I wasn't a 'budak muntah' anymore, but the dizzy feeling was naturally there when I was registering things that I can confidently say that I can't remember much of what happened through out my first week. The moment I regained my 'consciousness' again, everything was settled. From class registrations to bank accounts openings, from foreigner card application to student hall registrations, so on and so forth, I was just following my seniors on how to get them done. Seriously speaking, I have to thank my Malaysian seniors who studied in Kobe University for guiding me through everything. *phew*

Minna, iroiro tetsudatte kurete, mokoto ni arigatou! Love u all so much! :-*

To cut the story short, I barely survived my 1st few months in Kobe, if it was not because of my Kobe family. I remember no matter how strong I thought I was back then, I once broke down when I called my parents. I was so down that I really thought of quitting. The reason being, it was damn hard to make friends with the Japanese people without a proper command of Japanese language. I was so depressed because to me, not having someone to talk to in the class was like the end of the world. (Imagine, me being quiet? It's just unthinkable.)

Well, it was just that one time though. I somehow survived and never turned back ever since I made up my mind that I would challenge myself of graduating in 4 years. Alhamdulillah, Allah eased the journey for me, and I am glad I didn't pack my stuff or give up at that particular moment.

Generally, I am now trying to be a tougher person and try not to crack under pressure that easily compared to those days. Since the idea of changing surroundings such as changing jobs still doesn't occur to me, I am just trying to adapt myself with the people around me. As I am aware that being choosy of people who join the company is not even an option (although joining and leaving a company seems like a normal thing to do nowadays), the least I could do is to be more accepting with new surroundings such as to the new people (and also to the existing people).

Because sometimes, we might think that what we have might not be ideal for us,  but somehow, we will never know how things can beautifully work out until we have tried hard enough.

Remember Surah Al Imran, verse 54 :

Wamakaru Wamakarallah Wallahu Khairul Makirin

- And (the unbelievers) plotted and planned, and Allah too planned, and the best of planners is Allah.

It is best to put our negative feelings aside and take up any challenge we are facing. Until we are sure enough that the places we are spending our time at, or the people we are mingling with, do not do us any good, never even think of quitting. In Shaa Allah with the right determination, Allah will make it easy for us. :)

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Eid Mubarak / Selamat Hari Raya

I have no problem about not having a proper kampung to go to during Eid. To me, Selangor/KL is indeed my kampung.

After all, kampung is where your family is. :)

My sister comes all the way from the east coast with her family to Selangor to celebrate Eid with us. My siblings gather here to meet my parents, where we all meet up, talk, share stories, reminisce, eat, take pictures and everything that others can also do in their respective kampungs. The plus point for us is to practically have the whole city (KL/Selangor) to ourselves. We do not need to stress out about the traffic while going balik kampung, though some would say that driving long hours is part of the 'Raya adventure.' Well, to each his own. I prefer staying here though :P

Anyway, talk about reminiscing good memories, I remember well enough how my family is always different from other people. Since kampung is not what we have, especially when my grandparents  passed away quite early, we preferred to be away during Eid.

We used to travel and be somewhere that not many people would want to go to during festive seasons. We went to Pulau Redang, we even went to Batu Feringghi and many other touristy areas just to be together as a family. Moreover, flight tickets during Eid are much cheaper compared to other period. It didn't matter that we didn't have ketupat on our 1st or 2nd raya. It didn't matter if we didn't have people coming over to our house on the 1st week of raya. We were just glad that we were together. One time about 3 years back, we even went to One Utama all dressed up with our 'baju raya' on the first day itself. Imagine us wearing the complete baju raya with the same colour theme. It really invited a lot of stares from people around. :P

Now that my my sister has a son, my brother has a daughter and my parents have me (eh?), we prefer to stay home and celebrate Eid the normal way. Since the last 4 Eids, we have a colour theme to wear on our 1st or 2nd raya. We eat Malay raya food like how others usually do (It's such a relief not to have to look for available restaurants just to eat... it's pretty tough to find a Malay restaurant during Eid. >.<). We take pictures of the whole family in the same colour and post it in the social media, also like how others would do. (eh?)

Anyway, no matter how we celebrate Eid, it is a big day for us Muslims. It is a day of celebration, and a gift from Allah s.w.t to us after successfully fasting the whole month of Ramadhan. Celebrate wisely, and pray that our ibadah is also istiqamah throughout the 11 months before the next Ramadhan comes again. (Also pray that we are able to meet the next Ramadhan).

It is also useful to remind each and everyone to plan the food intake wisely while visiting relatives' and friends' houses. Or else, the kilos drop during the fasting month will be.. rather wasted. :P

Okiee... Lots of love from me to all. Selamat Hari Raya to all Muslims in the whole world. May Allah accept all our acts of ibadah during Ramadhan and also during any other time. In shaa Allah :)

Maaf Zahir dan Batin people! :)

 From all of us, in Yellow :)

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

A token of appreciation

I have never traveled as frequent as these past 2 years. Since my sister has moved to the east coast of Malaysia, taking a flight to visit her is almost a normal thing. Well, driving is never an option anymore nowadays as my parents are not keen to be in the car anything more than 3 hours. As long as we plan things ahead and buy the flight tickets early, the price won't be that expensive. 

Despite being used to traveling, being in a plane or even in a car for that matter, makes me uncomfortable almost all the time. Since small I have been the one with a weak tummy. Due to that, my parents would never forget to bring a plastic bag for me just in case an emergency strikes during our long trips to anywhere.

Although now I am becoming more resilient towards motion sickness, bumpy rides never fail to scare me a bit. They make me think of all the negative possibilities that might happen to me at that moment. I might appear cool by reading something or act as if I am sleeping, but only Allah knows how my mind runs wild to the extend that I think that it would be my last time traveling.

At that very moment, I would start remembering of all the things I have achieved and the dreams that have yet been fulfilled. I would start thinking of all the things I should and should not have done, the people whom I love and the people whom I've taken granted for. My head would spin and my stomach would make unstoppable flips. Almost every bit and pieces of my life would flash right in front of my eyes.

At times like that I would silently make some prayers. Hoping that Allah will give me yet another chance to change anything that can be changed. When the turbulence ends, I would be so relieved and hope the journey ends soon. Nothing makes me happier than having my two feet firm on the ground again.

I see traveling from a different perspective nowadays. Not only it broadens my view by looking at the places I travel to, but it also keeps on reminding me of the things I have and should be appreciative of.

Every single little thing leads to another, and I believe firmly that we are the ones that control our own lives. If we are determined of making a change,we should definitely do it and never wait till the last minute. If we have people that we might want to show our appreciation, make it now, make it everyday if it is possible.

I was browsing through my facebook newsfeed this morning and saw this quote at MIX fm:

Appreciation is the fuel for achievement! 

How true is that? Even as an employee I would love to be appreciated. Why find faults when we know showing appreciation is more fruitful? Hurm...with that, I would like to take this opportunity to express my short token of appreciation here. Well, here goes... :)

To all my family, friends and people who are close to me, far away or even those who I have never even met probably, sincerely I appreciate your presence. You might not see what you may have contributed to my life, but indeed, being there or just being a part of my life is good enough. Thank you and may Allah bless you and protect you from any harm. :)

Thursday, 30 January 2014

Of maturing and turning points in my life :)

The moment I stepped into 2013, I realised that it was gonna be a life turning year for me. 

Yes, indeed I was correct. 

I started working last year, my first ever experience of being an employee. Though I have been a student for many years, never even once have I had a part time job before. I was lucky that the scholarship I received and some money from my parents were enough for me to survive and to live comfortably. Alhamdulillah. :)

As a person without any experience of working under someone, my first year journey as a working lady was pretty amazing I would say. Not a breeze, but yeah, it was pretty easy on the heart. I did not have any major issues with my boss, I was not under a lot of pressure, and most of all, I love the environment around my office.

The only thing that had been bothering me was that I had to drive everyday.Yes, I know... Such a petty problem right? I took my driving license before pursuing my masters which was in 2011. After getting my license, I went to London for a year and I never drove since then. Only when I started working I had to really be at the back of the steering wheel. IT WAS A LOT OF PRESSURE for someone who rarely drives. 

I used to follow my family around at the back seat of the car, rarely touched the wheel. But then, out of a sudden I had to be independent and drive a car myself. SOBS~ That was actually the turning point, the exact point that made me realise that I have become an adult. Phewwitt! Congrats Afiqah, you are finally an adult! Pfft

Anyway, it has been almost a year now that I have been driving my car (or I would say, the car that my dad gave me :P). Well, I hope I can be more at ease driving it and have more confidence when driving at places that I am not familiar with. 

The other one thing that made me realise that I am becoming an adult is that I am no longer asking for pocket money from my parents. Yippee yay yay yay!! Everytime I see my monthly salary, bonus or any allowance entering my bank account, a grin will appear on my face. Can't help it. Oh come on, it was still my first year. Still a newbie. Give me another year or two, I might not have that ridiculous grin anymore. But oh well, I just love the fact that I can feel that I am already standing on my own two feet. *clap clap*

It's also an amazing feeling when I have the chance to attend countless seminars and conferences to meet people, distribute my business cards and do all the networking thing. Experienced people might already be bored with this kind of things, but pardon me, I am just starting and this is all very intriguing to me. 

All these 'maturing' things only happen when I have started working. I start to see people like I never before and I start to read more (useful stuff) just to make sure that I am not left out from the community. I might miss my old laid back student kinda life, but I know I have to be realistic and things will never always be the same. We continuously need to improve ourselves, but at the same time, we also need to appreciate every single little thing that happens in our daily life. Time is more precious nowadays and because of that we need to fully utilise the limited time that we have with the loved ones. :)

So, my little wish for this 2014 year is to have a wiser, healthier and happier me. May the force be with with me and you! ;)

*A bit late to make a post about resoultion and all, but it's better late than never right? :D

bye 2013~ hello 2014~

to a more mature me! yay~!:P

Monday, 11 November 2013

The Blame Game

"How would you know it was my fault? I did everything I could to be here on time, but clearly the luck was not on my side. The clock was broken that the alarm didn't go off at the right time this morning, the road was slippery because a lorry in front dropped some oil so I had to drive verry slowly just to make sure I can be here in one piece, a big huge cow was crossing the road at the very corner where I had to make a u-turn and the cleaner just had to clean the stairs when I was about to rush to swipe my card."

Okay, so that's a whole long list of excuses just to let people know you are not entirely at fault. Blame the clock, blame the lorry in front of you, blame a cow and blame somebody else. Just anything or anyone. As long as you are freed from trouble.

Or probably NOT.

Do you know that putting blames on other things just make you look miserable?

People seem to enjoy turning the table on others when something in their life just don't go as planned. 

Having financial problem? - Blame it on the inflation. 
Having trouble with relationship? - Blame it on your endless work at the office.
Having problem with health?- Blame it on people who always invite you to dine out.

..........and the list goes on.

How far does this blaming game bring you? 

Stop complaining and start finding alternatives. You run your life, not others.

I am tired of people who endlessly blaming on every worthless little thing just to prove a point that they are not entirely at fault. 

One piece of advice for you people out there who complain more than finding solutions: 

Get a life!

Oh, I blame it on you dear mocha (in general) for making me fat in London. :P

Thursday, 3 October 2013

The road not taken.

2nd October 2013 must have been one of the most shocking moments of my entire life. 

A friend from my secondary school batch 0004 just passed away. 

Nobody knows the reason of his death yet up till now, but I know that everyone from my school was just equally as shocked as I was upon hearing the news.

It's like a slap on my face when I saw my friend's message on whatsapp. 

At that time I was supposed to enjoy my dinner with my colleague at Satay Warisan Wak Radol near Kempas. We were happily talking and couldn't wait for our satay to arrive when suddenly I scanned through my handphone and saw the word "meninggal." I stopped talking and started to pay full attention on the screen and read again carefully.

A friend of mine asked us in the group whatsapp whether we were aware that our friend, Add just passed away. I literally lost for words and a lot of things came across my mind at that time. I felt kinda light headed.

My colleague must have seen my shocked face that she asked me why. I told her the news but I couldn't explain well. I had a lump in my throat and my eyes felt so hot. In a few seconds they were watery but I refused to let the tears drop. 

When I was a bit more calm and had regained my energy back, I started filling in and told my colleague about this guy.

This guy was a friend from secondary school and he used to come in and out my class though we never actually had the chance to be classmates in school. He was a friendly and chatty kind of person. I remember that he was in my group for PBSM in form 3. It was just for some group activity, but even with that I found him funny and he always tried to make our group alive. 

I also remember that he was a very generous person. Seriously he was. He could spend a lot of money on his friends without asking for anything back. He was one of the people who preferred to directly call rather than sending sms. After SPM, he always called our batchmates and just talked about anything under the sky, including me. At school we weren't really like the best of friends but the fact he also called me just to catch up is something I find really amazing. It's funny how I can even remember some of our conversations about how a guy used to have crush on this girl. 

Funny. It feels like yesterday.

He's such a good friend indeed. After a long long time, suddenly out of the blue he sent messages to me on facebook just trying to catch up. Asking how I was doing, he told me that he wanted to go to our friends' weddings and wanted to start mingling around again. One of the random stuff is that he told me about a girl he used to like at school. According to him, after one particular incident, this girl just refused to talk to him. Up till that day he was still hoping that he could meet her. He actually said that he tried to collect some information and finally he got this girl's number and started calling her again. I just laughed when he told me that. Kinda funny how much he went through to track this girl again. 

Anyway, after that day, a few times he had tried to chat with me again on facebook but I didn't really take the time to actually reply. 

Until 2 days ago when I got this piece of news, my heart just stopped and couldn't help feeling sad. I realise now that I wasn't really a good friend to him. Somehow I regret not putting more effort to keep in touch with a friend like him. :'(

To arwah Lt. Addrie Hisyam who was a sailor, may your soul rest in peace. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atasmu. Innalillahi wainna ilaihirajiun.

*Banyak betul orang terdekat meninggal kebalakang ni. To my late auntie (makwe) as well, semoga Allah tempatkan makwe bersama-sama orang-orang yang beriman. Amin...

No matter how clear you think the road ahead of u may be, think again. 
Allah might just change it in a split second. 

Friday, 30 August 2013

Where are the flags?

While writing this, I am in Singapore, waiting for the clock to strike 12. Waiting for the 31st of August, the Independence Day of our beloved country, Malaysia.

Sad but true, this year I see less enthusiasm from the Malaysians of our Independence Day. Have no idea why year by year, lesser number of flags can be seen around. In previous years, there used to be more flags in the independence month of August. 

I don’t know why people are less patriotic these days.

Is it because of people having so much hatred for the current government?

Can’t people differentiate between politics and patriotism?

Seriously, to see Malaysians are not proud of the country, our Jalur Gemilang and Negaraku song just saddens me.

No matter from what angle I try to look from, I still feel Malaysians are not independent enough.

If politics still play a big role in deciding whether or not to raise the country’s flag, it shows just how shallow one can be. And it is enough to tell how Malaysians’ minds have yet to be freed.

Yeah, I am disappointed. And even more disappointed not to get to celebrate this day in my own country…. 

~~credit to Google Image~~

Anyhow, I still want to wish, Selamat Merdeka oh tanah air tercintaku Malaysia. Aku sayang kamu!! I will never get bored saying this over and over again, that I am proud to be a Malaysian!!
Happy Independence Day Malaysians!! :)

Wednesday, 31 July 2013

The Incomparable

Some people might ask: How is Ramadan different from other months?

Well..... Every Muslim knows how special this month is.

"When Ramadaan begins, the gates of Paradise are opened, and the gates of Hell are closed, and the devils are chained up." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3277; Muslim, 1079. 

According to al-Nasaa'i: "The most evil jinn are chained up."

See, how can one not love this month so much? Allahu Akbar! :')

But putting the religious fact aside, don't you agree that Ramadan has a lot of difference compared to other months in our daily routine as well?

Well, to mine at least...

How so? Let me simply list them down so that I won't forget how much this month means to me.. :)

1) Rarely do I ever get the opportunity to dine with my family TWICE everyday... One for sahur, and another for iftar... :)

2) Early start during the day doesn't really bother me as much. Imagine during other months, I don't think I would ever want to get up any earlier than 6.20am...

3) So much money can be saved! Naturally~ As I don't need to spend money for lunch anymore. Plus, I only eat at home for iftar.

4) I get to go home earlier than usual. Usually I arrive home a little bit before 7pm. During this holy month, most of us Malaysians get to go home earlier. Due to that, I get to reach home around 6pm. Woohoo~

5) Evening exercise with parents. Since I get to come home earlier than usual, my dad especially, will accompany me to walk up the hill around my housing area for evening exercise. Needless to say, a bonding session. That's THE best time for us to exchange stories and update on our daily life. :)

6) More time with family. This year, my family prefers to pray together at home for teraweh. It makes us feel closer and more relaxed. Of course I miss the mosque once in awhile, but everybody has their own way to make their Ramadan meaningful right? To us, this is how we like it to be. :)

7) I just love how my family spends more time reading the Quran compared to other months. See, Ramadan is just so special and powerful. It's such a beautiful sight having to see everyone so engrossed with the Quran and is so determined to khatam before Ramadan comes to an end. I hope I can do it.. 4 and a half juzu' more to go in just 8 days...

Well, those are about it. Many other things I have witnessed on how this month brings peace and togetherness to the people. Look at the suraus and mosques. People keep on coming in and out. It is something you can't see everyday through out the year. So many other good vibes and beautiful sights I would love to share, but these are ample enough I guess.

Just with the 7 things I have listed, I think I have made it clear enough that Ramadan is such a beautiful month that nobody can deny.


P/S: Don't forget to recite this beautiful piece of doa as many times as possible as it is the most recommended doa during Ramadan.

Allahumma innaka ‘afuwwun kareemun tuhibbul ‘afwa fa’fu ‘annee. 

“Oh Allah, you are the best forgiver, beneficent and merciful. You love forgiveness so forgive me." (at- Tirmidhi).


Have a blessed Ramadan to all. Kejar Lailatul Qadr mari! :)