Friday, 22 April 2011


I always wish I could express myself better. I don't understand why it is so hard for me to show the kind of things that I like, especially when I mix with other people. As a result of that, I always end up doing what other people prefer to do. Even I don't really like it, I tend to just say yes, and follow suit.


Maybe I am just the type of person who doesn't really know what I like and what I really want. It is also much easier to adapt with others' liking rather than to convince people around me that what I like is so much better. Whenever I try to voice an opinion on where to go, or what to do, it always sounds lame to other people's ear. Probably. That's what I think. That's why I surrender easily and just let them be happy.

It is also very rare to see what people really know about me that it always makes me feel so touched whenever there is any. They might know I am a person of thousand words, never stop talking, yadaa yadaa, but I don't think they really know what kind of things I like. For instance, my favourite food, favourite band, favourite TV show, my ideal spot for holiday and so much more.

Besides that, I also realise that I sometimes convey the wrong message to other people. I really hate it when people misunderstand my true intention. When I actually want to praise somebody, people think I am actually being sarcastic. Was it just my tone or people tend to judge I am just a sarcastic person? When I try to tell a story, people also tend to make it into a bad thing. I don't know anymore. Maybe I am just a talkative person, but not really good in conveying.

Okay, enough rambling. Maybe I would delete this post once I feel a lot better, or when I am much better in expressing myself! daa~

P/S: sorry for those people who take time to read this unmeaningful post!

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

unconditional love

i wish i could learn not to love something or someone too much. i have always been so attached to something that it always tears my heart each time i have to be apart with it. though i rarely show my feelings and always appear positively alright, but deep down only God knows how hard i try to persuade myself that everything is going to be okay.

on my last day at high school, i remember well enough how empty my heart was. neither the bright shining sun nor the loud playing songs could lift up my spirit. just the thought of being away from my friends whom i have been living with for 5 whole years, made my heart sink. of course it was hard to say goodbye as we practically shared almost everything as it was a boarding school. for us girls, we lived under the same roof, we shared the same toilet and sometimes we even shared the same bed. (T__T) so, yeah, u got it. it was just a sad day for everyone.

us, having lunch at the dining hall

resting under the big tree when no one was around. yeah, only the form 5 students left.

our final goodbye. (Oops, soOo sorry girls, our faces were #$%&$% HAHAHAH)

somehow i thought i have learned a lesson on not to be so attached with the people around, but i don't seem to get it quite right. i must have spent so much time with the Kobeians i guess. to think again about it, well, sure enough i have done almost everything with them. hanging out together almost every weekend, having sleepovers and of course, 'makan-makan', which has always been a tradition even before i came to Kobe. we have always reminded ourselves that we are one big family, as we only have each other especially when our real family is far far away across the oceans.

my house warming

preparation to break our fast during Ramadan

our hari raya, picture taken at Kobe University

my last day in Japan. 30th March 2011. thanks all. love you all to pieces.

with the Kobeians i can actually understand quite well, but what surprises me is that i feel equally as sad to leave my labmates. i have spent time with them for only a few months. not even a year. if it were 2010, today would be my first time meeting my labmates and senseis. yes, exactly a year ago, i met these charming people of ES1 (the name of my lab) and ever since that day my days were full of music. again, i got attached. with this group of great people, i just couldn't help it.

the first time we went for bowling together

a dinner with my batchmates

our graduation day =)

the only picture i have with my beloved Sensei. no words can describe how thankful i am to have you as my sensei. Thank you so much sensei for all the support you have given me.

on my last day stepping out of the lab after saying goodbye to my seniors, i got this shaky feeling inside. my eyes felt kinda hot. i can't remember whether they were watery or not, but what i knew at that time was my life is just not going to be the same again. no more lab visits daily. no more tip toeing into the lab each time i go during weekends and see someone is asleep on the couch, no more early and long lunch breaks with my batchmates, no more concern questions from my beloved senior on my work, no more teasing voices and ....... haih ..... i guess that's going to be my last encounter with Japanese people. T___T

today is also the 2nd week i am in Malaysia. no matter how tough it is to be separated with those across the oceans, it still feels good to be here. to where my heart always belongs to. to where my family is.

the place where i call home.

as we exited KLIA. (it should have said, welcome home afiqah! but oh well, this is good enough.)

guess what i found on my bed when i first stepped in my bedroom! definitely a pleasant surprise.

and something i really miss having: a family dinner =)

seems like this is my full time commitment from now on. to think of it again, it's never a crime to be attached with something, right?

especially with your own family. give them your unconditional love! =)