Thursday, 5 January 2012

Respect others first if you want to gain respect

You don't have to own a newspaper company. You don't have to be a radio deejay. You don't have to go all out to spread some news. Petty news especially. Just click log in, and go into your twitter or facebook account. Tell the world and spread the juicy gossips you might think of. Even 'better' if you have some eye-catching pictures to support your stories. 

How lame can people nowadays be?

I am quite sure we are busy with our own lives, (that what we ALWAYS say to other people : busy busy busy, not enough time etc) but how come people still manage to butt in other people's business? Especially the bad ones. Just look at ourselves. Are we good enough, are we perfect enough to talk bad about other people? Shouldn't we feel ashamed of talking about other people, especially about people whom we are not even connected to. Whom we haven't even spoken or met face to face at all. Do not judge people from how they look. It just shows how shallow we are.

YEAH, SURE you may come from the same country and all, and feel like it is your duty to to tell off the people who you think have gone out of track. BUT!! There is a proper way in giving advice. Even in Islam we are taught to be pleasant. Be nice and think before we say something. Do not say anything unless we are sure of something because if we say something wrong, it can be categorised as FITNAH (defame). Be careful when we speak even when the news is true.

The Prophet (pbuh) defined backbiting when he said:  "Do you know what is meant by backbiting?" They said, "Allah and His Messenger know best." He said, "To say something about your brother which he dislikes." One asked, "Even if what I say is true about my brother?" He replied, "If such defects you say are true about him, then you have backbitten him, and if he doesn't have what you say, then you have committed slander against him." 

(Related by Muslim, Abu Dawood, and Tirmidhi)

Hence, it is not allowed to talk about somebody in his/her absence, even if what was narrated was true. If it was not true, then it would be a bigger sin and it is called Buhtan (false accusation). 

I am really disturbed to see the way people try to 'change' other people by giving advice by improper ways. What I mean by improper here is by condemning, saying nasty words and get angry. IF we really have the intention to give good advice, we should do the right way. Tell the people directly and NOT talk behind their back. That's the stupidest way ever, seriously. And if you don't have the opportunity to meet or drop some sincere advices to them, just pray for them. Do it the right way.

Remember, if we want to gain respect, we HAVE to start by respecting others. 

I remember my trip to Amsterdam where I stopped by at a mosque for evening prayes. I wasn't sure the wudhu (ablution) place for ladies, so I randomly went into the toilet and wudhu place for men. My brother and sister-in-law were waiting for me outside just in case anyone (particularly men) wanted to enter. When I wanted to perform my wudhu, I heard some noise outside. Hurriedly I did what was necessary and stepped out. I saw a few guys were waiting outside and some of them (probably one or more) were half yelling because they wanted to use the room. Poor my sister-in-law trying to explain things to them. I am not quite sure whether they were talking in Dutch or Arabic or both (or neither) but I felt so disappointed as it was a mosque. A place where we perform our prayers and it is where we should be nice to each other. 

Everybody makes mistakes, but try telling them in a good way. In a nicer way. Not by showing anger and yelling. If some non- Muslims enter the mosque and see such scenario, they will really get the wrong idea about Islam. How can we tell others that Islam is a religion of peace when we can't promote peace. *sigh*

So~~ people! Start your new year by being a better person. Only then, you will get the respect from others. This is a reminder for me as well.

 Yesss, let's start by saying... I am.... going to be a better person. InsyaAllah! ;)


  1. InsyaAllah...Amin! Semoga kita jadi orang lagi baik lepas ni.

  2. thank you for writing this blog Iqa! I felt so sad, angry and a bit lost after that encounter. Just couldn't understand how people could be so hostile towards a fellow muslim trying to do her prayers. We asked around, made an honest mistake and ended up in the wrong room, why didn't they help us instead of scolding us? Oh well, sad experience but luckily most people we encounter are helpful and thoughtful. And like you say, let us try everyday to do our best to be a good person (and maybe it proves to be contagious). Love you!

  3. hi darl. i feel what you feel about people making slander and untrue remarks regarding other people. i have been a victim so many times before, and i still think the best way to go through it is by believing that Allah is fair no matter how unfair people and life have been to us. never stop respecting other people even when they are being nasty to you (well, thats the ideal situation..). but oh well, i am glad that you are very patient in facing all the ups and downs of life. whoever was so inpatient outside the mosque, lets just PRAY that God will show them some light. but remember, it's true what kak nora says. there are more ncier people out there than the not so nice ones. so think positively. =D love you darl.

    kak aini

  4. I was so distressed after reading your blog but simply broke down after reading the comments of Kak Nora in light of her unpleasant experience in "a house of God". At a place where these supposed God fearing people come to seek forgiveness and prostrate before the Almighty we instead find arrogance and nastiness. These are the kind of people who will encourage the importation of wrong perception of Islam and lead to the wrongful condemnation of Islam.

    When reading the 2 write ups I felt an absolute helplessness for not being around to chastise those imbeciles for their moronic behaviour. I have only the highest of regard for the courageous act of abang Nash and Kak Nora for protecting your chastity and well-being. Thank you Nash and Leonore for taking care of your sister. We certainly sense your love for Iqa by your protective act. Thankfully it is not everyday that idiots cross your path and invariably transmitting the wrong messages. To you Iqa 'nothing in life is easy'. May the nasty experience make you into a better person: remember, lessons learnt normally come from nasty experiences.

  5. As I feel so strongly about your bad experience I want to say: "I feel so ashamed by those Muslims who act so unIslamic."

  6. Beautiful sharing. Let this dugaan remind us. Lets take hikmah from dugaan. People who doesnt take any hikmah from any dugaan, is an actually loser

  7. mala cik kiah~ sesama kita berusaha k!! :) love u bebeh~ ^^

    kak nora: i feel so ashamed that those fellow muslims didn't show a good attitude to us. but that's definitely life. we can't be meeting nice people all the time. if we do, we won't feel the pleasure of being treated well. yeah, that was quite an experience. but seriously, thanks to you and abang nash for taking a GREAT care of me. i am so touched. :')
    anyway, lets i hope that we wont meet that kind of people ever again. love u so much kak nora!! muahXxx!

    kak aini: hi darl~~ don't worry, alhamdulillah i am not a victim of slander. i wrote this because i was really fed up with the attitude of the malays specifically who just love to condemn people,spread rumors and make a forum just anywhere. they look so shallow. that's why in a way i want to remind myself not to join and be apart of them. and about those people at the mosque, i hope Allah will give some hidayah to them. insyaAllah. love u so much darl for always supporting me! i hope u are doing great there and just ignore foolish people who like to make up stories. love u miss u darl! :))

    ayah: hi ayah. i feel exactly how u feel. it's not at all a good experience in a mosque. i felt quite down that day, but quickly i tried to put the feeling aside so that it wouldn't spoil my holiday. like u said, kak nora and abang nash had gone through that for me, and i can't be thankful enough. i am so lucky to have a lot of people who care for me at every corner of the world. although im far from you, am i glad to have my lovely brother and sister in holland. at least just an hour away from london :)) love u soOo much ayah!!

    anonymous: thanks so much. yeah, never ignore anything that has crossed our path. Allah puts everything for some reason. we should learn something from experience. :)

  8. hey nice sharing. 4 stars. What do you think, some people trying so hard to make others reject them. These ambitious, selfish creatures are like `hati kering`. Sometimes i spare some time to give a thought bout them but still couldnt grab who are these people. Hmm. Any idea?

  9. Hello Boss! Hurm~ Why do you even want to know who these people are anyway? Not worth knowing them i think. I don't really get what you actually mean by 'trying hard to make others reject them.'

    Anyway,what I can say is that these 'hati kering' people are those who do not appreciate what they have, or they think they can get whatever they want easily. Hence, doing whatever they want without thinking of other people's feeling. I hope you are not one of them though. Kalau tak, berdesing telinga la kot baca ayat-ayat nih. :P

  10. its true wut u said.. we always focus on wut we dislike in others...tweet it, blog about it, spread rumours n all..sometimes i do jugak.maybe its time to look at ourselves n se wut we do wrong n try 2 improve. afterall, we cant change others, n no one but ourselves change ourselves

  11. pekah~~it's true right? sometimes because we are so used to it, we blindly just retweet some news or tweet about someone...or something that might become a gossip. we still have time to change. and, do remind me if i do this kind of unhealthy stuff okay? untuk kebaikan bersama ^^

  12. I am also going to be a much better muslim, husband and soon as a father. InsyaAllah~

  13. InsyaAllah u can Ammar. Doa banyak2 even time isteri tengah mengandung. Semoga segala urusan dipermudahkan-Nya. Congrats in advance! ;)

  14. Some wonderful advice, jaazakallah for sharing.
    Please would you consider linking to my blog from here?