I realise one thing.
Once I get pretty comfortable with a place or some people, it is difficult for me to accept changes. Though I love to think that I can adapt to new surroundings quite easily, my body somehow doesn't agree with it.
I remember when I started my secondary school, which is a boarding school in KL, my family and I were living in Kelantan at that time and it was actually my 1st time to be apart from my parents. When I went to KL, I really
wanted to show my parents on how well I could cope in a new place. I remember how talkative and cheerful I was during the orientation week. It was the 1st week of schooling, and I tried to blend in with my batchmates and seniors at that time. Most of my batchmates were living around Selangor and KL and I was among the 'unlucky' ones who weren't from Lembah Klang.
Although people saw me talking happily and laughing so much during the orientation week, my inner side was actually on a strike. I felt light headed almost all the time and my stomach could not accept just any food. Truth be told, I felt terrible at that time. No one knew how much I wanted my aircon and my comfortable bed in Kota Bharu. My heart twinged each time I thought of my parents, on how I couldn't shake their hands before going to bed or kissing them good night. It was a torture to wake up at 5.30 am and washed my clothes by myself. I don't even want to be reminded of how #$@*^# cold the shower was. For the whole 1 week, I threw up most of my food and I couldn't participate actively in class as I was busy holding up my eye lids. No offense to the dining hall food, but it was just how my body reacted to the new surrounding.
Only in the third week or so, that I could adjust my mind and body according to the surrounding and schedule. My brave front at that time totally paid off and I successfully made a lot of good friends that I had no problem to be far away from my family. Slowly, I wasn't only accepting the place, but I was actually enjoying myself in the place I called home for 5 years.
Similar thing happened when I went to Kobe, Japan. I wasn't a 'budak muntah' anymore, but the dizzy feeling was naturally there when I was registering things that I can confidently say that I can't remember much of what happened through out my first week. The moment I regained my 'consciousness' again, everything was settled. From class registrations to bank accounts openings, from foreigner card application to student hall registrations, so on and so forth, I was just following my seniors on how to get them done. Seriously speaking, I have to thank my Malaysian seniors who studied in Kobe University for guiding me through everything. *phew*
Minna, iroiro tetsudatte kurete, mokoto ni arigatou! Love u all so much! :-*
To cut the story short, I barely survived my 1st few months in Kobe, if it was not because of my Kobe family. I remember no matter how strong I thought I was back then, I once broke down when I called my parents. I was so down that I really thought of quitting. The reason being, it was damn hard to make friends with the Japanese people without a proper command of Japanese language. I was so depressed because to me, not having someone to talk to in the class was like the end of the world. (Imagine, me being quiet? It's just unthinkable.)
Well, it was just that one time though. I somehow survived and never turned back ever since I made up my mind that I would challenge myself of graduating in 4 years. Alhamdulillah, Allah eased the journey for me, and I am glad I didn't pack my stuff or give up at that particular moment.
Generally, I am now trying to be a tougher person and try not to crack under pressure that easily compared to those days. Since the idea of changing surroundings such as changing jobs still doesn't occur to me, I am just trying to adapt myself with the people around me. As I am aware that being choosy of people who join the company is not even an option (although joining and leaving a company seems like a normal thing to do nowadays), the least I could do is to be more accepting with new surroundings such as to the new people (and also to the existing people).
Because sometimes, we might think that what we have might not be ideal for us, but somehow, we will never know how things can beautifully work out until we have tried hard enough.
Remember Surah Al Imran, verse 54 :
Wamakaru Wamakarallah Wallahu Khairul Makirin
- And (the unbelievers) plotted and planned, and Allah too planned, and the best of planners is Allah.
It is best to put our negative feelings aside and take up any
challenge we are facing. Until we are sure enough that the places we are spending our
time at, or the people we are mingling with, do not do us any good, never
even think of quitting. In Shaa Allah with the right determination, Allah will make it easy for us. :)