Sunday, 7 June 2015

Some things are better left unsaid

Lately quite a few people around me have been asking for my advice on their love problems. Not that I have much to share though, as I am no love expert myself. But what I can do is usually to give some general tips and explain things based on my own (limited) experience.

There was one time someone asked me on how he can woo this one particular girl. I told him some stuff, but the most important thing I said was just to be more sensitive. As I was talking on a girl's point of view, I realise all girls love attention and most importantly, being heard. It is hard to understand what really is at the back of a woman's mind as women tend to say something else when they actually mean something else. I, too, sometimes do that because I just don't want to stir things up and I guess it is easy to just....be polite and more agreeable.

Being sensitive actually covers a lot of aspects. I simply explained that what he could do is to focus on what the girl is saying and show in subtle way that he actually remembers all those info. When a guy pays attention, it shows that he cares. It is as simple as that. 

Well, that is from one aspect. The other thing is to be more careful and to read the situation well. Being sensitive of a situation actually applies to everything. Not simply when one wants to win another person's heart, but it is also useful for our daily people's skill. There are times when we should and should not do something. There are times when we should or should not express/say something. 

For example, when someone is in distress because of something, say, a missing cat, that is the time to provide support and words of encouragement that the missing cat shall return. It is definitely NOT the time to say that the person could have been more careful to not let the cat out. Or even worse, to say that cats usually go missing when they are dying. (Like, seriously??)

A few days back I was rather down to find out my phone had some charging problem. So I told a few people of the situation. I am thankful that some people can be very sensitive to try to understand my problem and give some solutions. While there were some people making fun by giving remarks such as "Oh, don't worry Fiqah. Those days we didn't even have smartphones but we still managed to carry on with lives, right?" I don't know if that was supposed to be consoling or what, but I felt that it was poor taste. Unnecessary remarks should be avoided at alllll times. OK?

Another thing is that maybe we should be reminded once in a while that some things are better left unsaid. Not to the extend we hide things until it becomes suspicious, but it's just somehow I see people can be a bit insensitive at certain situation. Sometimes we might have the urge to tell some story which might be true, but if rationally it is unnecessary, do avoid saying it. For example, when we heard some stories about the person, especially if it might lower the person's spirit in any way, please refrain from telling him or her. Also, if we have some unnecessary past stories which might not make another person feel good or comfortable, just refrain from sharing it, shall we?

Being sensitive is not an easy thing to do. But slowly with experience, I think we can see clearer what is good and what is bad for us and others. InsyaAllah. :)




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Friday, 5 June 2015

Show offs

I remember that I used to say that I won't take any offense on people unless they do something directly to me. I have a few friends who like to warn me of some other people who they think mean more harm than good to me. I usually just say thank you and take it with a pinch of salt as I have my own stance not to judge people unless any damage is done to me.

I think I am going to take my words back because I know now for sure that I am easily turned off by show offs. These show offs can be divided into two groups. One, those who are just interested in themselves and always think that they are better than the rest, and two, those who see themselves as the best among their circle and at the same time put the rest down, despite whatever they think are correct or not. 

In simple words, I am rather disgusted by this kind of people. 

Sometimes I just smile to one's brag on family, intelligence or beauty. They can talk like they have the most successful/well known family, siblings, cousins, uncles and the list goes on and on. Okay, so what you are saying might be true, but is it possible if you can put a little damper on it? Does it hurt if people do not know that much of your glittering success stories?    

And oh, some can do it rather subtly without sounding like they are actually bragging. Good job, you are one good actor/actress. I'm impressed. *clap clap* 

The thing is that, sometimes other people too might have things or stories which probably are even more bragging-worthy (I don't know if such things even exist), but people choose to keep quiet and let other people discover about them themselves. 

Hurm, to each his own. If you feel it is proper to brag, then, oh well... just carry on. But I think I might just start to stay away from these people before I become one myself. 

Personally, they do not harm me, but emotionally, they do.