However, now that i am a bit older i find that being straightforward is not really a good thing. I tend to curb my feelings and just go with the flow. And in the process, i die inside. Bit by bit.
For example, as i am the youngest in the family, i find it disrespectful to lash out any anger or disappointment to older people. However, as I myself still am struggling with my anger management, i just pray that i can be better with age. Specifically, for me to be more patient.
Sometimes i don't want to say the wrong things to people who are older than me, so i guess it is easier to just stay away and have less communication with them. People don't understand my struggle of not wanting to appear rude that i tend to be a bit subdued at times. I know my weakness i.e. saying the wrong things when i am angry. Hence, nowadays, if i am in a crowd and i am somehow not in agreement with something, i may not say i agree, but at the same time will also not say that i disagree. Which sadly, may still offend some people.
Another thing is being a person under someone. For example, an employee to his or her employer, i find that it is also not an option for us employees to go against the employer. Even if the employer does have a different idea which is not logical, employees can't say straightforwardly that the employer is stupid. Can we? Hence, playing around with words and saying yes at that moment is the only thing the employee can do.
The third case is when we have no idea who we are to a person. Sometimes we really have the urge to give an idea or show our care to another person, but we hold it back. Why? Because we might think that, "why should i say this to him/her? I am probably not even considered as a close friend. I am not family. I am not his spouse. Why should i bother?" Although in our hearts, we feel like shouting that idea.
This non straightforward approach is somehow killing me. I would like to say what i think. I would like to have the freedom to say something.
At the end of the day, having a good relationship with people is what matters most. Oh well, it is still not the end of the world. Don't we all have The Almighty to listen to every problem we have? ;)
Bring me to the seaside. So i can put everything aside. :p