Wednesday, 7 November 2018

My Amar, Mi Amor

*Long post alert!*

Here I am, around 5 months after my previous post, writing again at this once favourite spot of mine. While typing away, my precious little baby boy is sleeping cosily under my blanket, waiting for the right moment to scream at the top of his voice, asking for milk. Oh well, how can I blame him? At 38 days old, nothing else excites him apart from milk.

Yes readers. ( If I even have any...) I am now a mother! Alhamdulillah, on the 1st of October 2018, I had delivered a miracle I call Amar. He is now a new addition to the noisy Suriyadis household. I can't be thankful enough to Allah to be given this opportunity to become a mother.

I remember when I was a teenager, my friends and I had this not so serious conversation about marriage. We asked each other about the age that we thought was right for us to get married. I simply plucked a number, which was 27. Alhamdulillah, I got married last 2 years and at that time I was still at the age of 27. And to be honest, to become a mother before 30 was also one of my targets, though I seriously didn't feel pressured to get pregnant that soon after getting married. But Alhamdulillah, Allah's plans are always the best. I indeed became a mother before 30! :)

To me, in becoming a mother, I have to go through 3 different stages.

1) The pregnancy.

At this stage, I thought I had it bad because I was feeling unwell throughout my first trimester. I vomited so frequently that I lost a few kilos during the early stage of my pregnancy. I remember being warned by the nurses to increase my intake to ensure a proper weight gain. Oh wow, never have I thought to ever be told "to eat a lot more" in my life. But Alhamdulillah, as the second trimester approached, my appetite came back and the whole journey from there got better. (I even managed to fast the whole of Ramadan, Alhamdulilah!)

I consider myself lucky as my stamina during the last 2 semesters was rather good and I did not have any complications throughout the pregnancy. The funny thing is that, many people were not even aware that I was pregnant! (BIG clothes really help in hiding that tummy!) Not that I was trying to hide it from anyone, but I simply felt uncomfortable wearing any tight clothings that would result in people staring at my way. Anyway, all in all, my pregnancy experience was just how I wished it be, i.e. to always be healthy. :)

2 days before the delivery. The picture that I look most pregnant. :P

2) The delivery

My estimated delivery date was actually 6th October 2018. However, as my baby was eager to see the world a bit ealier, my water broke on the 30th September (after Asar). But the naive me thought it was just some discharge and I decided to still go out for dinner at Paparich with le hubby and parents that night (please don't give me any judgemental stare). Luckily I decided to ask for MC as there's a show the morning after. As the doctor did some testing, it was confirmed that my water already broke and I was told to rush to the hospital as it would be dangerous if the amniotic fluid goes lower than a certain reading.

My delivery story is one interesting one (at least for me), but I think I will save it for another day. To cut it short, I was induced, and everything went so quickly that I really believe that when I was given the epidural, it was a bit toooo late. I am pretty sure that I could have delivered the baby the particular moment I was given the epidural as the contraction was already soo soo strong. (Oh the contraction. Never did I imagine it was as painful as that. *safe to say that it was one of the most painful feeling ever in the whole world*)

The moment my baby was delivered, all the pain literally went away and I felt... so.. SLIM again.. HAHAHAH! But seriously, I mean there is no more heartburn and eating is now 10 times more heavenly!

Amar, after his first shower

All this while, I have only listened to people's labour stories. And the one I have probably heard for at least a hundred times, is my mother's life-and-death experience of delivering yours truly. Now, I have a story of my own that I can share. The one that will always be in my heart (and mind), insyaAllah!

3) The motherhood

I skip the pantang stage because I do not really do pantang like how most Malays do. But, I could say, my confinement lady was awesome. She helped me during the first 3 weeks and now I am taking care of my son full time. (read: with the help of my ever helpful hubby, parents, and siblings)

Amar at 1 month old

This stage to me, is by far, the hardest. Maybe because this is indeed an ongoing phase i.e.: till the day I die. And moreover, this is the phase that I am currently going through. But honestly, this journey is an emotional journey for me. It is a mixture of happy and depressing moments. Happy as I am able to see my son growing up day by day. And depressing as I sometimes fail to provide what I have planned to provide. But I know, raising up a child is not a straightforward thing. We may have all the theories at our fingertips, but executing it is just another story.

I just feel that I should learn one thing at a time and just do not pressurise myself with expectations which are just too hard to achieve. Getting tips from people is good, but it does not mean I should take it and implement it because I believe each person has different challenges and everyone has just to adapt accordingly and learn from there.

As for now, I only hope for one thing.

And that is to see my son my love, grow up happy and healthy. InsyaAllah! :)

Mi Amor

Bonda loves you to the moon and back, son!